[dropcap]I [/dropcap]am currently writing this in the small hours of the night. The house is dark- I can hear the humming of the refrigerator and the ticking from the clock- being awake and restless when the world around me is sleeping is sadly nothing new to me. I had originally planned to schedule today’s post with something else, but instead have decided to replace it with this on the fly. Having just been inspired reading A Cup Of Jo’s latest blog post, the sentiment of her article just struck a chord in me- something that I’ve been thinking and processing in my head for a few weeks.
Jo wrote about trying to be an open book about her life versus not sharing certain personal things- in her case, a family tragedy and post natal depression. Lovely Freya also shared a personal story about her family online- both posts were open about these really tragic circumstances in their lives and they were brave enough to share it with the world.
And that got me thinking about blogging in general. We are all guilty of sharing only the most glossy, curated peeks into our lives- myself included- but it never used to be that way. It’d be too easy to blame Instagram or the Kardashians for that one, but I just feel like the online world is jostling each other to be the next big Thing, yet another rat race.
When I tell people I freelance, I feel this horrible pit in my stomach, that they think I’m a frivolous, all-day-pyjama wearing fraud- or worse, they think I am lucky. Freelancing is the hardest, toughest thing I have ever taken on. Everyday is a hustle to wrangle new work. Why on earth would someone who is as anxious as me, tackle being self employed? (still figuring that one out) Even reading tweets about Pay Day make me yearn for the security of an office job again, and before I know it, I have another crisis in confidence. I’m not sure I’ll ever achieve the perfect balance of sharing vs over curating my life online, let alone continue to make a living from it.
Blogging has changed so much, so quickly, even in the short amount of time this blog has been online. But despite blogging about a product or event- which are super fun to cover, don’t get me wrong- I wish I was brave enough to blog the ‘realness’ of life, because that is what made me fall in love with blogging.
There are days when I question if I’m pursuing the right thing,
That I’m just not a ‘typical’ Bride,
That I have fertility issues that I just can’t deal with right now,
That our dreams of moving somewhere bigger will have to be put on hold,
That every decision I’ve made this past year has been the wrong one,
I’m still taking it month by month. It is so easy to compare your life to the glossiness of others on social media or online.
I love the quote that Jo ends her article with: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”