honesty

[dropcap]I [/dropcap]am currently writing this in the small hours of the night. The house is dark- I can hear the humming of the refrigerator and the ticking from the clock- being awake and restless when the world around me is sleeping is sadly nothing new to me. I had originally planned to schedule today’s post with something else, but instead have decided to replace it with this on the fly. Having just been inspired reading A Cup Of Jo’s latest blog post, the sentiment of her article just struck a chord in me- something that I’ve been thinking and processing in my head for a few weeks.

Jo wrote about trying to be an open book about her life versus not sharing certain personal things- in her case, a family tragedy and post natal depression. Lovely Freya also shared a personal story about her family online- both posts were open about these really tragic circumstances in their lives and they were brave enough to share it with the world.

And that got me thinking about blogging in general. We are all guilty of sharing only the most glossy, curated peeks into our lives- myself included- but it never used to be that way. It’d be too easy to blame Instagram or the Kardashians for that one, but I just feel like the online world is jostling each other to be the next big Thing, yet another rat race.

When I tell people I freelance, I feel this horrible pit in my stomach, that they think I’m a frivolous, all-day-pyjama wearing fraud- or worse, they think I am lucky. Freelancing is the hardest, toughest thing I have ever taken on. Everyday is a hustle to wrangle new work. Why on earth would someone who is as anxious as me, tackle being self employed? (still figuring that one out) Even reading tweets about Pay Day make me yearn for the security of an office job again, and before I know it, I have another crisis in confidence. I’m not sure I’ll ever achieve the perfect balance of sharing vs over curating my life online, let alone continue to make a living from it.

Blogging has changed so much, so quickly, even in the short amount of time this blog has been online. But despite blogging about a product or event- which are super fun to cover, don’t get me wrong- I wish I was brave enough to blog the ‘realness’ of life, because that is what made me fall in love with blogging.

There are days when I question if I’m pursuing the right thing,

That I’m just not a ‘typical’ Bride,

That I have fertility issues that I just can’t deal with right now,

That our dreams of moving somewhere bigger will have to be put on hold,

That every decision I’ve made this past year has been the wrong one,

I’m still taking it month by month. It is so easy to compare your life to the glossiness of others on social media or online.

I love the quote that Jo ends her article with: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

Puh-reach.

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Author: Angela Shek

just a clueless mama in East London

20 thoughts on “honesty”

  1. Well done for being brave. Honesty in blogging is hard but it fits wherever you let it. I write about food and fashion, but every now and again I have a rant or I let go, and it’s so nice to know that people are willing to read what I say and show support. You don’t have to let everyone know the minute details of your life, but I can’t say how much you’ve made me feel better by mentioning your fertility issues in one brief sentence. I know now that I’m not alone in experiencing this, and that small line has impacted me more than you can know. Thank you.
    Cx
    charliedistracted.com

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  2. Well done you, and sending big hugs! It’s so easy to just show the glossy side to life and leave the personal tucked away, I’m guilty of it too. I’ve only posted 3 or 4 personal posts in 3.5 years, but they’ve actually proved the most popular. I think it’s because people can connect with them and share experiences.

    C x
    Lux Life

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  3. I know exactly how you feel. I have been wondering about this for my blog. I have been myself, but I feel like I have been holding back stuff that I wanted to talk about because I felt no one wanted to hear about this or that people would not like what I put down. Then I thought about it. It’s my blog, and I have to believe that there are some people who have the same thoughts or feelings like I do. I am really glad that I was able to read your blog today because it gives me knowledge that there are people that feel like this as well.

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  4. Wow, thanks Charlie! i wasn’t sure if this would be a good read or not. Blogs are becoming much more editorial and glossy now that I feared I was having a Jerry Maguire moment and wouldn’t have any feedback! Your comment has stamped that fear out, thank you so much. xxx

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  5. Thanks Luxy! Same here! My posts with the most comments/feedback are always the ones where I just type my thoughts or a story rather than the ‘what I did, where I’ve gone’ style posts. My favourite blogs to read have always been the ones where I can relate to that person. xx

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  6. I worry about what it is people want to read- do they want to read a story or my thoughts on something? or do they want to look at my pictures and read where it is up I’ve been up for a bit of lunch time reading? I do struggle with finding that balance between keeping a ‘real’ voice on here versus writing what I think people want to hear. It’s tough! I like the way you describe it though “you are opening up a book of my life” and therefore that’s what I should just keep in mind, that this is my story.

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  7. Yea. The style of blog you do is similar to what I do as well. This is our story and we should be able to talk about things that’s on our mind. I think people will be okay with that.

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  8. Angela, you’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. I read Freya’s post and I think it’s given me a bit more courage to post about a really tough family time we were dealing with for the last few months. But on another note, fair play to you for taking on such a mammoth and scary task that is freelancing, I couldn’t even begin to think about doing it myself so fair bloody play x

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  9. Getting the balance right can feel like a bit of an uphill struggle eh? But I guess most of us start these little spaces firstly to write but as a close second to connect with others. So maybe being more ‘warts and all’ about things can help you or your readers and that’s always a good thing.
    Bless your little heart though, that’s a whole lot of brain fodder to be working through. Sending you internet love.
    M x

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  10. This post is just so genuine and true! the kind i really appreciate. life is certainly not all roses and rainbows, plus when people open up in their blogs you connect with people in a different way. i’ve read blog posts that have been everything i have wanted to write but couldn’t.
    you are doing an amazing job m’love. xxx

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  11. Angela, it broke my heart a little bit to read your post but then again, I praise you for being so openly honest and I think you’re touching on something that will resonate with so many readers. I absolutely understand how you feel and I think it’s a little bit the curse of our generation to be overwhelmed by the democratisation of “choices” and yet terrified that we are constantly making mistakes. It’s so tough to jump into the unknown and have a go at freelancing, especially when you are preparing for a wedding at the same time, and spend a good chunk of your weekly hours blogging too. The only thing I can say is that sometimes it’s those times when we feel we like clarity and everything is complicated that we look back on and remember as moments that shaped us and helped us find a path to who we are, and where we’re going. Even if it totally doesn’t feel like that at the time. I don’t know if I’m making a lot of sense but I guess what I’m trying to say is that some of the toughest moments in my life were in retrospect, very formative. Keep your chin up and ask for love and help and a listening ear when you need it because there are many people around you who love you and support you ❤

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  12. It definitely takes a lot of courage to open up on your blog, but you did it so beautifully. This world needs more honesty and I think it’s so great that you can be brave enough to open yourself up to allow people to identify with you. Things get tough and scary at times, especially when you try to forge your own path or life takes you away from the typical ebb and flow of things. But it’s all about balance and if you’re going through hard stuff now it just means that amazing stuff is on it’s way 🙂

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  13. thank you lovely! I remember starting this blog wanting to write more personal posts and somewhere along the way I realised I just wasn’t doing that enough! I’ve taken a tiny break away from blogging, to get away from the peacocking and to take a step back to rethink about it again. x

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  14. you are always full of wisdom Jesse!

    I think I was just worried that I was straying away from what i wanted this blog to be, and that blogging in general seemed to be a constant game of one up manship and I didn’t want to to be a part of that…of course conflicting what I needed to do to continue making some sort of living from this space! x

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  15. To think that if I hadn’t read the posts from you and Jo, I wouldn’t have written this and discovered that so many people felt the same, or could relate to how I feel! Thank you for writing such a lovely piece x

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